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rings true with me - at least the first few paragraphs. I'm not suggesting that you be any different, Didi, but it would crush me to read this about myself. I do think the whole clothes thing is a bit extreme. Mika, you will never get everyone here to agree with you, and that is a *good* thing. (Hey, it's also why I try not to post about my situation. Because someone will say 'why don't you x' and it just brings it all back up... when I was doing so good in all but this one area.) It seems like you are really going out on a limb here to get everyone to agree with you, and that is something that *I* would have to take a look at. Maybe I am wrong. And there *is* a lot of cultural differences on this ng. My Sis-in-law got kicked out of Sea World because she had her thong on. Her swim suit is a one-piece ... thong. That's the way she was raised. I think I know how you feel with the kid situation, Mika, and the hate campaign. It is working on my daughter too, or seems to be. Yet so subtle that it is unimaginable that it could *really* be going on, in my case. But when you start talking about I can't do anything to help them in such short bit of time I see you acting/feeling like a victim. And I just have to tell you that is not a healthy place to be. I would love to walk around wounded ATM, but it doesn't lead to a joyous happy life. You, IMO, need to (if I am right anyway) get yourself out of that mode. I hope all this discussion you are doing helps. My philosophy is that for some unknown reason, God told me that my days of raising my daughter are over. I don't know why and it has broken my heart, but she is not here anymore. This is no longer her home, it is no longer really part of her life. She has skipped the last 2 visitations - this one being Easter weekend, so it's been 3 weeks now since we have seen her and will be 5 weeks by the time we see her again- if she doesn't cancel it again. The only contact we have had is the one phone call Mom, I need to stay home so I can do a baking project that must be done here. I don't really know anymore what the *real* reasons are, or if her Dad and SM are encouraging and brain-washing or if my daughter is just a huge lying manipulative teen. But I will be damned if I will walk around bleeding all the time. Moving on for me means that I no longer plan my life around this child. I have gotten involved with a couple other things, and my 7yo is involved in a couple activities now - stuff that in the past we would not have done because it 'might conflict with 14yo's stuff.' I don't sit by the phone and hope she will call, because I accept that it is not 'safe' or 'cool' for her to want to call us. I don't call her because it seems to cause her/them more problems, and just gives them more chances to invade our privacy and scream about things that don't matter. I pray for her and them all the time, and I think only God can intervene at this point. And the rest of the time I thank God that I have a kid and husband and 2 dogs that love me, nurture me, need me, and count on me to continue. I don't know how much that helps, if any. And I have taken quite a while to come to this place, and still have a hard time accepting that she would rather 'bake a project that MUST be done this weekend at her Dad's' than be with us at Easter... a *major* holiday in this home, but acceptance and surrender come a lot easier these days. Living in hurt and anger and 'see what these people did to me' was killing me. It is true that they have been unusually cruel and done some pretty awful things, but at this point she is part of that sickness, part of that choice, and seems to enjoy it. I cannot sit here and dwell on it, it is a matter of life and death that I put this stuff behind me. How to love her in spite of is the part I haven't figured out yet. I think I love her as much as any Mom loves their difficult teen, as much as I would guess my Mom loved me. With hope and heart, Kathleen
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